


Null Hypothesis

by kisahawklin



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: First Kiss, Kissing, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-05
Updated: 2009-12-05
Packaged: 2017-10-04 04:38:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kisahawklin/pseuds/kisahawklin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff"><p>No clue what this is or where it came from. Exhaustion probably. But I owe <span></span><a href="http://lavvyan.dreamwidth.org/profile"><img/></a><a href="http://lavvyan.dreamwidth.org/"><b>lavvyan</b></a> boykissing, and this is it.</p></blockquote>





	Null Hypothesis

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lavvyan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lavvyan/gifts).



"How long have you been in love with me?"

Rodney rushes the words out as fast as he can when he gets into Sheppard's quarters. He expects Sheppard to deny it, to laugh him out of the room, to tell him he's crazy.

When he stops pacing long enough to _look_ at Sheppard, he watches, fascinated, as Sheppard closes off, his eyes shuttering and his arms crossing over his chest.

"John?" Rodney asks.

"What?"

Rodney swallows. He knows he's right; he came here because he was certain - as certain as any of his last minute saves, anyway, and his life isn't on the line here.

"How long?"

Sheppard turns his back on Rodney, and for a second, Rodney thinks he's going to have to talk his way through this, make Sheppard understand that he _needs_ to know, he's not good with intangibles, at least where people are concerned, and --

"Two years."

_What?_

They've been here nearly three years, that means Sheppard fell for him sometime in their first year here, that rollercoaster ride of --

"Was it the virus thing?" Rodney asks. He had nearly died and Sheppard had gone up against Weir, disobeying orders and really, making their lives kind of hellish for a while there.

"No," Sheppard answers, and Rodney stops pacing and just sort of shifts from foot to foot, not wanting to miss any of Sheppard's body language, since he can't see Sheppard's face, not that it'd matter much if he could.

"Was it --"

"Rodney."

Rodney stops shifting, waiting for Sheppard to get an actual sentence out. When it doesn't come right away, he rolls his fingers at his sides, finally bringing his hands together to stop the worst of the fidgeting.

"Do you really need to know?"

It surprises Rodney. He suspected Sheppard would do something, try to convince him, declare his undying love, or recite a poem, maybe. Attempt to kiss him. The idea of trying to fight off a Sheppard bent on kissing him scares the crap out of Rodney.

"I guess not," Rodney says. "I just thought..."

Sheppard's shoulders hunch forward and Rodney finally realizes what this must be costing him. "I'm sorry, I had to know."

"Good for you."

Sheppard still won't face him. Rodney wants to grab his arm and turn him around, but suddenly that feels weird, like touching Sheppard is off limits now. "I'm sorry," Rodney says. Knowing isn't making it feel any better; it's somehow making it worse, and Rodney thinks that might be his fault.

"How did you figure it out?" Sheppard asks, and Rodney suddenly feels as light as air. _This_ he can do.

"_Like a friend loves another friend_? Please, Sheppard."

Sheppard still hasn't turned around. Rodney knows it was supposed to be funny, he knew it then, too, it just felt _off_. It feels even more off now.

"So," Rodney says, willing this to come back around to their normal banter. "You're bi, or you just have a thing for me?"

Sheppard finally turns around at that, raising one eyebrow at him.

"What?" Rodney asks.

"Those are not the only options," Sheppard says, still solemn, but with a smile under the surface.

"Oh, like you're gay," Rodney says. "Chaya, Teer, that girl from the weird genetically disadvantaged planet, hello, _married_..."

Sheppard gives Rodney one of his fake-charming smiles, the one that only looks real to people who've never talked to Sheppard, or even watched him for more than a few minutes.

"Holy crap," Rodney says, "You're totally gay."

"Got it in one," Sheppard says, but the smile that was threatening falls away and he just looks tired.

"But all the women..." Rodney lets the thought trail off, because Chaya makes so much more sense now.

"You've never heard of keeping up appearances?" Sheppard crosses to his bed, sitting down hard and rubbing a hand through his hair.

"Right, sorry," Rodney says, starting to pace again. "What are we going to do about this?"

"We?" Sheppard asks, and Rodney turns to stare, because the tone of voice was sharp enough to draw blood, but Sheppard doesn't even look tense.

"Well, yes," Rodney says, pacing faster. "I mean, this involves me too."

Sheppard sighs loudly. "Is there some problem with the way things have been going?"

"Of course not," Rodney snaps. "But I've just found out you're in love with me, and --"

"And you're straight," Sheppard finishes for him.

Rodney knew Sheppard could be hard to read, but he's never been so purposely kept out before. The wary stoicism is freaking him out.

"I've never been that guy," Rodney says. Sheppard raises an eyebrow and Rodney rushes to clarify. "I've never been the one who has to turn someone down. People just aren't interested in me."

"Rodney," Sheppard whines, putting his face in his hands.

"No, really," Rodney says, because the light bulb has just come on, and he's a genius for thinking of it. "You have to let women down gently all the time. What do you do when one declares her undying love?"

Sheppard half-laughs, a short, desperate snort of a chuckle, and throws himself back on his bed. "I run away."

Rodney stares at Sheppard for a moment, wondering how flippant of an answer it really is. "Well that's not an option," Rodney says carefully. "I mean, even if I did suddenly want to ditch our friendship, we have meetings and missions and Ronon and Teyla and... that's just not going to happen."

John shrugs. "You could pretend you don't know."

"A little late for that," Rodney says, though he wishes he had considered that before he came to John with this. He hadn't really thought through much of anything beyond confirming his hypothesis.

"Look," Sheppard says, sitting up again. "I've managed for two years, and you never noticed. You do know that men and women can be friends, right?"

Rodney laughs. "I've never managed it," he says, thinking back along the lines of Elizabeth and Sam Carter and his thesis advisor from graduate school.

"You seem to do fine with Teyla," Sheppard says, and Rodney blinks.

It's true. Teyla's like one of the guys. And there was his next door neighbor when he was a kid, Megan the tomboy. They played Batman and Robin, and she always made him be Robin. "She can beat me up," Rodney says.

"So can I," Sheppard says, tucking an arm behind his head and laying back.

* * *

"I think you should kiss me," Rodney says, barreling into John's room like he owns the place.

It's been three days since Rodney barreled into his room the last time, and it took that long for John to get his heart out of his throat. They'd just managed to gain a little of their equilibrium back.

"No, seriously," Rodney says, and he's bouncing on the balls of his feet. "Either I'll realize it's wonderful and fall in love with you, or you'll realize it's awful and get over your crush. It's win-win!"

"Really," John says as lazily as possible. "Because I can think of a lot of ways that could go seriously wrong."

"Huh," Rodney says, "and people think I'm the pessimist." He strolls over to John, leisurely, like he's not about to completely and utterly fuck John over in the space of half a breath.

"I thought we were over this," John says, backing out of Rodney's space as inconspicuously as possible. "You were doing so well at that pretending thing."

"I wasn't pretending," Rodney says, pulling John back by his forearm. "I just realized that it doesn't change anything."

_Only everything_, John thinks, but he stills, because as fucked as he knows he is, he can't possibly be _more_ fucked, and if Rodney starts something, he won't be able to say no.

"Well, perfect, then we're all set." He twists his arm out of Rodney's grip, and for a second he thinks he's won - Rodney lets him go, and he takes a step back. "We're on for video golf tomorrow night, your turn to bring the popcorn."

"John," Rodney says, and John closes his eyes and turns away. Rodney uses his name like a weapon, and it cuts John to the quick every time. "One kiss. A trial run. If it's nothing, it's nothing. If not, then you'll regret giving up the chance to --"

"Fine," John says, whirling back around. If Rodney's going to outstubborn him, he doesn't want to be talked to death in the meantime. "Can we just get it over with, please?"

"You're such a romantic," Rodney says, yanking on John's arm to bring him close again. "I'm a little out of my depth, so some help would be --"

"Jesus, Rodney," John says, and grabs Rodney's neck, hauling him closer. "It's not that hard."

Rodney startles a bit, his eyes widening, and John waits, their faces close enough to make him cross-eyed if he keeps staring. Rodney nods upward once, almost dislodging John's hand, and then his eyes close and he leans in, settling his mouth on John's.

It's tentative, and normally John'd take control somewhere around here, get a little pushy with his tongue and teeth, but he can't tell what Rodney wants, and rushing it will only make it worse.

Rodney pulls back and looks at John. "Are you going to join me any time soon?"

John licks his lips, nodding. "I didn't want..."

"Yes, yes, whatever. Stop overthinking it."

Rodney's more confident when he kisses John the second time, tilting his head to get a better angle and tracing John's lips with his tongue. John raises his hands, and they stay in midair, tracing Rodney's biceps but not touching. There's no way to know what the rules are; he should have asked before, knowing Rodney, and now it's too late.

"Hello," Rodney says, pulling back and snapping his fingers in front of John's face. "Right here."

"Well, I'd say that answers the question," John says, wiping his mouth on his sleeve.

Rodney gapes at him, and it's not John's proudest moment that this is how he made Rodney McKay speechless.

"What I really don't understand," he says, proving John is wrong, wrong, so very wrong, "is why you'd make such a pathetic attempt. It's like you're not even interested in trying to convince me."

"I don't want to --"

John has no idea what he doesn't want to do. Rodney's lips are wet, and he keeps twitching his hands up to his mouth like he wants to touch. John wants to touch too.

"Don't want to what?" Rodney asks. "Convince me?"

_Fuck this up any more than it already is_, John thinks. "It's not like solving for _x_," he says finally. "I don't think I can convince you that you're gay."

"Of course you can't, you idiot, because I'm not gay. But I very well might be bisexual, and I was looking forward to testing that theory with my best friend. But he's being an idiot, so maybe I'll go find Ronon."

Rodney starts to turn away and John hauls him back in, slamming their faces together almost painfully. He finally gives in and squeezes his eyes shut so he can concentrate on the feel of Rodney's mouth under his, the shift of his biceps under John's palms, the way he puts a warm hand on John's waist, probably the only thing he can reach, the way John's clutching his arms. John pulls away to gasp for air, and Rodney's mouth moves to his jaw. John holds his breath.

Rodney traces John's jaw with his lips and John's neck with his teeth, and by the time he pulls away to look at John again, his heart is beating so fast it feels like the whole Marine drum and bugle corps is in there.

"Interesting," Rodney says a second later, smirking at John with a lopsided grin. "I think this will require further testing."

Rodney heads toward the door and John almost can't hear over the jackrabbit thumping of his pulse in his ears. He has to say something before Rodney leaves, ask him to stay, or to try again, that he really wasn't ready, or --

"Tomorrow night," Rodney says. "I'll bring the popcorn."

**Author's Note:**

> No clue what this is or where it came from. Exhaustion probably. But I owe [](http://lavvyan.dreamwidth.org/profile)[**lavvyan**](http://lavvyan.dreamwidth.org/) boykissing, and this is it.


End file.
